Mobile Phones!!

I’m in a bank and I’m opening a new bank account. The bank
manager is asking me questions. She asks me my name, my
age, my address, what I do, where I work, my phone number
and then my mobile phone number.

‘I don’t have a mobile phone,’ I reply.
‘I’m sorry?’ asks the manager, shocked.
‘I don’t have a mobile phone.’
‘But everybody has a mobile!’
‘No, they don’t. I don’t.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Of course I am!’
‘But how can you not have one? Everybody needs a mobile!’
‘No, they don’t. I don’t.’

‘Listen,’ I say to the bank manager, ‘this is a true story: A man is going parachuting –
he has with him his parachute, his helmet and his mobile phone. The plane takes him
higher and higher and further and further away from the town. But there is a very strong
wind today and he lands on top of a hill very badly – he has two broken legs. He takes
his mobile phone and calls his friend to come and rescue him. That’s strange – the
phone is not working. He tries again. Nothing. Then he realizes that there is no mobile
phone network on the hill. In great pain he pulls himself down the hill to the road and
stops a car. The driver takes him to the hospital.

‘This is another true story: I am waiting for my friend Syrine at a railway station. Her
train arrives but she’s not on it. I wait for the next train. No Syrine. I wait for an hour and
begin to worry. Then I remember that she has a mobile phone. I go to a public
telephone box and call her. Nothing. I try again – no answer. Another half an hour later
Syrine arrives. I tell her about the phone call – she looks at her phone: the battery is
flat.’

The bank manager tries to speak.

‘No, listen’ I say. ‘When I go to a restaurant, my friends put their mobile phones on the
table. When the phones ring, they answer them and chat for ages. This is a true story: I
am in a café with Syrine. Her mobile rings and she starts chatting to her friend, her
friend is telling her a long, funny story about something. Syrine is laughing and
listening. I eat my cake and drink my coffee. Syrine is still talking on her phone. I finish
the cake and the coffee. Ha, ha, ha says Syrine. I pay for my cake and coffee and
leave the café.

‘Now I’m in the cinema. I’m watching a film and it’s great. The hero of the story realizes
he is in love with the girl, he’s walking towards her and talking softly. Then, and this is a
true story, the person next to me has a phone call. She’s talking to her friend about
what time the film ends and where they can meet. I can’t hear the film, I can only hear
the person next to me.’

‘So,’ I say to the bank manager, ‘I don’t have a mobile phone, I don’t need a mobile
phone and I don’t like mobile phones.’

The bank manager looks at me very strangely and opens the bank account.